Break free from money anxiety

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Introduction

Your Money & Your Life

Wouldn’t it be nice to worry less about money and focus more on financial freedom? A healthy relationship with money is freedom. It’s time to become aware of your personal decision-making process in order to create the new financial you.

How emotions underpin our relationship with money (and how that relationship, in turn, affects all aspects of our lives) is the basis of this book. Each of us has a “Money Nerve,” and this book will help you see how your Money Nerve affects your financial decision making.

Reconciling your relationship with money allows you to make wiser choices throughout your life. While you reconcile your relationship with money, you may also discover unexpected benefits in other aspects of your life.

Inherited Responses to Money

Growing up, my grandparents always gave my siblings and me money. They filled our piggy banks and bought us new fishing poles. They even bought each of us grandchildren a car when we turned sixteen. We didn’t complain. In essence, they were saying, “Pick us as your favorite grandparents.”
When I was a young adult and my grandparents needed some help around the house, I spent a weekend in their yard fixing things up. At the end of the weekend, my grandfather tried to give me a hundred bucks, which I politely refused. My grandparents were very confused and hurt. They could not comprehend that I simply wanted to spend time with them because I loved them.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized what my grandparents were really trying to say. My grandparents were really saying, “We don’t feel worthy of your love, but if we give you lots of money, will you pretend to love us?” I was totally taken aback and saddened by that thought.

What I came to understand is that my grandmother grew up feeling insecure and unworthy of attention. The only way she could convince people to love her was through bribery, she thought. She taught my mother the same lesson, which not surprisingly trickled down to my siblings and me.

I still have the occasional impulse to splurge or use money to solve a problem. Now, though, I understand my emotional response to money and am able to make more conscious choices.

Emotions & Money

Some people say they don’t have any emotions about money. And then they start talking about money … and the floodgates open. I developed the Money Nerve idea by working as an accountant, financial advisor, and business consultant for over twenty-five years. I am thankful to the many people and businesses that I’ve helped who have, in turn, helped me.

I have spent years sitting across from my clients—most of the time feeling more like a therapist than an accountant. What I have realized is that many people have money issues, and because they think they are supposed to know how to handle them, they are ashamed to ask forhelp. I see business owners, other CPAs, lawyers, therapists, doctors, and others in major financial crises.
I am no longer surprised when clients come in, start talking, and break down crying. There is a lot of fear and shame surrounding money. We need to start admitting without shame or embarrassment that we may not have been taught how to handle money (or that we may not know all the answers). We need to bring our money issues out in the open and start changing our belief system about money.

Many people are in denial because they don’t want to deal with their financial situation. I had a conversation with a client that went something like this:

Client:

I was more upset about coming to see you today than I was about finding out whether or not I had terminal cancer yesterday.
Me:

Your priorities are messed up. It’s just money.

Client:

I didn’t want to come to you. I almost canceled. Now I’m glad I’m here—you always make me feel better. I know you’re always going to help me and hold my hand. I’m not sure what I was afraid of.

Me:

This is only about money. Do you hear what you’re saying?

Client:

I know, I know.

Huge companies like Fannie May, Freddie Mac, or Lehman Brothers were built on the illusion of wealth. When the time came to pay up, however, their house of cards came tumbling down. It should come as no surprise that the individuals who make up these companies have the exact same problems as their companies. Many people’s lives are also a house of cards, an illusion. If major corporations are having problems, you shouldn’t be embarrassed to have financial problems. However, there is no 700-billion-dollar bailout for you. You have to help yourself.

Visualize Change

Are you where you want to be financially? If you’re not open to change,

you want to stay exactly where you are. Truth is truth.

To change your path, seek motivation to begin the journey. As you do the work contained in this book, you will begin to see change. You will be better equipped to recognize the path you are on and begin to understand and enjoy it.

This book is a stepping-stone to understanding different aspects of your life. It is really about reprogramming your brain. The data you are using might have come to you when you were seven years old. You are not seven years old anymore; it is time to reassess the information you absorbed when you were young.

We have all unconsciously downloaded misinformation into our brains. We now have to consciously begin identifying our early money programming memories and work to change those beliefs. You have picked up this book—and possibly others like it—so you have already started the process of self-discovery. The more I’ve learned about myself, the more I’ve understood the impact that even the most seemingly insignificant events have had on my life.

As you read the following chapters, you will have many opportunities to visualize your own future. The exercises have been created to help you reframe your own financial life. You will get the most out of this book by spending the time necessary to visualize and complete each exercise.

I believe that one of the most important ways to bring about change is through visualization. This technique involves envisioning your future as you want it to be (rather than as your current reality). You may see yourself with an abundance of money or paid up on all your credit card debt or driving a new car. If you can’t visualize how your future could be, it is difficult to believe you can take the necessary steps to get there.

When you visualize, let go of negative judgments of yourself. Picture the person you would like to be without worrying about how you might stop yourself from getting there. The point is not to fix yourself; the point is to embrace yourself.

Perhaps you’d like to be an NBA basketball player, but you realize you may be too old or too short to make it. Maybe you could be an announcer or recruiter. Maybe you could find another way to become connected to the sport. Look at your dreams and put them into the context of reality. Accept your limitations without labeling them as bad. And if there is a way to expand your limitations, all the better.

You may look at some people and think they live a charmed life. Those same people may, in turn, look at you and think you are the one who has it together. I work with some clients whom others consider to be extremely fortunate. Here’s the reality: they are not any different than you. In fact, you may be in a better place financially than they are.

Part of my reason for writing this book is to let you know that it’s not just you having financial difficulties. You are not alone. Don’t apologize for what you are about to uncover. Other people have money problems. How do I know? Because people trust me with their financial truth. It’s hard to lie to your accountant. There are people with money and people without money, and you can’t always tell them apart. Numbers don’t lie, but people do. Trust me, I know.

So don’t apologize for your vision or for the things you want. Some of us have been taught that it is selfish to want more money or a nicer car. You have every right to want to fix your finances or to live in abundance.

How to Use This Book

I’ve organized the following chapters to give you information you’ll use to complete a series of exercises. The exercises are designed to help you identify your own Money Nerve. It is best to read each chapter and work through the exercises before moving to the next chapter. Take your time.

Many of the exercises will draw on your abilities to visualize both your past and your future. Some will ask you to delve deeply into your relationships. Some will cause you to confront your worst financial fears. All of them are crucial components to identifying your Money Nerve—and lead you down paths that will help you gain control of your finances and create your own definition of financial success.