Lead With Purpose. Paulo Sellitti

[00:00:00] Paulo Sellitti: How is it that you can look in the mirror? You can either like or dislike what you see. It’s like instant. And when is it that you get to that point when you just smile? It’s like, I really like who I’ve become. That was kind of the place that I wanted to be, where I could wake up in the morning and actually like myself and what I was doing in that.

And that was the hard part of the journey was I had to go through so much hell to get to that spot and in order to transform and understand that. You know, the story and the

barriers and the mindsets and all these things, there was so much to, to change.

[00:00:39] Bob Wheeler: The stories we believe shape what we achieve. Yet rarely do we question the narratives that we tell ourselves.

Our guest, Paolo Selletti, assists purpose driven clients in clarifying the narratives that form their reality. By getting to the heart of their unique stories, he helps unlock creative potential to transform how people see themselves and how others see their businesses. Paola reveals how becoming conscious of our inner narrative is key.

By examining the stories keeping us stuck, we can re author our path aligned with bold visions. In all areas, including financial potential tuned into people’s stories with profound curiosity, he shares the winding story that led him to establish hypnotic design, specializing in purpose led story shaping for entrepreneurs.

Dive into rich perspective on getting unstuck from limiting identities.

I’m Bob Wheeler and this is Money You Should Ask, where we explore why we do what we do when it comes to money.

What is your money story costing you? Grab the 1 solution readers call life changing for shifting your money mindset. Visit themoneynerve. com forward slash mindset shift. Take your power back and rewrite a new financial way forward now. To learn more, click on the link in the show notes. Hello, thanks for joining us today.

I’m excited about this conversation. You’re welcome.

[00:02:18] Paulo Sellitti: And thank you for having me on the show

[00:02:20] Bob Wheeler: All right. Well, we’re going to jump right in so you have a company called hypnotic design And i’m curious if you can tell us sort of about the origins like what got you into it And what were those

[00:02:30] Paulo Sellitti: early days like?

You know the funny thing bob is is that you know the start of of? Any exploration of, of transformation in life always starts with pain, right? Yep. You know, so a little bit about what I do. Hypnotic story design is a purpose led story design business. And so. What I have tried to create is, is a new category for business where we are aligning the business with the purpose, the change that you are made to make in your, in your life and also in the business as a category.

Let me start off with this sentence and this, this is kind of frames everything the greatest limitation in life and your greatest strength is your category and so, uh, when you think about that from a business standpoint, the category that you put yourself into, you know, you can niche down, right? And so if you niche down, you’re effectively, you’re just getting a slice of someone else’s pie, right?

Right. So, so there’s this whole idea out there of. Yeah. Yeah. And it’s kind of like this idea of sell what the market is already buying. Right. You do this, you do this target analysis. Right. And you go like, well, I can see that they’re doing this over here. And so I’m going to position my services and who I am, you know, based on what this market is.

And I’m going to go after them. Right. But in doing that, there was some studies done and the, the companies and the businesses that went into that direction, and. Uh, and became like a leader and a player in it were at most getting about 20 percent or a little bit more of the market of the economics, right?

The, the businesses that actually came out and did category creation, 76%. So, the, what does that tell you about creators in this space is, is that. The closer you get to creation and being your own thing and the original and the originator of something, it’s a more difficult track. However, two thirds of that category you are able to monopolize because the fact is, is you’re doing something no one else is ever doing.

Right. The thing that I learned in, in this whole, you know, idea of category creation was all of this has to have a compelling story behind it for this one thing. You can call yourself anything and you can be a, you know, a category of one, et cetera, and that’s ultimately what you want to be, but at the end of the day, you got to sell people on this, right?

Right. And so the, so the fact of the matter is, is, is when you look at what a category is and what purpose in life is, that is fundamentally a change, uh, you know, it’s not an improvement. It is a different way of, of doing of what, what, what the, the sentence is, is you are tomorrow’s solution for today’s problem.

And if you think about that for a second, that’s uncharted territory. Right that uncharted territory that we’re talking about means that you cannot go and emulate what other people are doing you are in your own space in order to actually sell that you have to create the belief in what you’re doing and so that was where I understood in terms of.

The way that you shape belief is through story and that’s where the power came in because only story shapes a belief. Then I had to start to craft this type of story that would actually create belief in people that your category,

the way that you’re doing your business, the way that you’re conducting your life is something that other people can follow and emulate in order to solve that particular problem that they were going through.

You know where I started. In this category of purpose led story design was solving my own problem of pain of I couldn’t get a client right and I kept on trying to do the product fit thing of like where the hell do I fit in and I was doing graphic design work, you know, outsource marketing and I was getting paid, you know, a freelance rate.

And I effectively, I was just like a remote employee, you know, 15 hours a day working on this, having kids and trying to do that. I was making some okay money, but it wasn’t working and suddenly like these businesses, they could get all the graphic design work and stuff that they needed, uh, for a thousand bucks a month.

And I was just like, I’m out of business. Yeah. You know, and then, uh, I got onto a project and I started to discover, you know, category design, but there was, uh, two things that happened at the same time. It was like my life was going to shit and I was learning a lot. Uh, I started to do kind of this personal MBA thing that was through all of these.

You know, reference videos and marketing videos through, through a company called ClickFunnels. And, uh, I was like trying to improve my life and, and dig myself out of the hole by doing all this, you know, psychology work. Over time, you know, uh, the thing that came into my life was understanding category. I also started to understand the, the fundamental constructs of, of how you actually can create change.

And so, effectively, the stories that I have been… Working on with businesses, dude, the two things they put that business in a category of one in a space that allows growth. And I’m not talking incremental growth. I am talking exponential growth. Imagine yourself in your business and your job is to, you know, create these widgets or whatever it is, right?

And then every day you just like, you kind of master, I’m, I’ve created the widget and then you go to work again and you’re just like, it’s 20 years later and it’s like, they want you to create the widget and you have basically increased your salary three to 4 percent every year. And then maybe a little bit extra this last year because of inflation.

Right? Right. And then you kind of come back and you’re like, I’m capable for so much more, but I put myself into this category of the widget maker and I, and, and now I can’t get out of it. And this is my job security and that sort of thing. And how do I get out of it? The first project that, that really set me on this track was, you know, another, another podcaster and, and she took a huge hit during COVID.

You know, I had started to come into this whole thing and I, and I worked on her story. I felt so much compassion. I’m in the same boat as you. You know, and I’m kind of solving my own problem and, and, and you’re my salvation, like, we’re going to get out of this together. We’re going to figure this out.

And so I built an original category for something called communications and, you know, and I did the market analysis, there are, there’s these leadership communications, there’s people that are teaching you how to become better presenters and that sort of thing.

I go, but your, your fundamental philosophy is the fact that you’re not teaching people how to perform better. You’re teaching people how to be themselves. You know, initially she says like, well, that’s really interesting. Like, what do I do with this, this category, right? Right. And it was kind of funny.

Cause it was just like, well, I go, you know what I want you to do? I want you to go back. I want you to meditate on it. I go, and I just want you to just like, let it sit. And then tomorrow you’re going to wake up and you’re going to have an idea. And then you’re going to have another idea, and there’s going to be another one.

You’re going to realize the unlimited potential of what we just did by putting you into this category space because now you’re not limited to helping people do presentations. Like you’re fundamentally teaching people how to tap into their own authenticity and speak from that place of power from there.

It was viral. It was like she referred her, you know, her mentor and then that mentor referred, uh, another mentor and, and, and I started to pick up these referrals and then each one of these coaches had these amazing, uh, insights and training of their own. So every time that I would work with a new coach.

I would learn that you know all the coaching stuff from it right and move forward and but but you know reflective of the situation she had this quote and she said you know this wasn’t a branding job this was a soul job. That sentence actually kind of put me into a different light and space in the sense that like what I was doing wasn’t looking at the market and trying to fit

her into some sort of existing space or whatever I actually was personally working with her to break down some barriers of like what is it that you’re afraid of doing that you want to do let’s break those down and then let’s build a category for you.

That will allow you to do that and will build the story that actually makes it a reality and over that time that’s where it came into this whole idea of your story shapes your reality where I learned if I could help people create the stories that would actually allow them to reach that space they could do it and the obstacle was always something with mindset.

I have to figure out what is your limiting belief or what is the market’s limiting belief, et cetera, and, and give them a new belief to replace it. And so that’s where the story model that I started to develop was, is because it came from change psychology. Right? Right. And so, so I have my whole model for that.

But the fact of the matter is, is, is that I stopped doing stories and that were problem solution. And I started doing stories that would actually change mindset and when I realized that that change mindset was fundamental piece of what drove purpose in a business or a person that’s when things started to take off because now I can actually sit down and work with someone and I and and start to ask them questions.

In terms of where they wanted to go and and what their strengths are and and how we can actually create something that will allow them to reach their full potential thus creating the purpose led business. So it’s

[00:12:47] Bob Wheeler: interesting about that when i first wrote my book about money and emotions my editor said well i don’t know nobody has this topic really i’m like well it’s not i’m not inventing something new but i know it’s something that people don’t talk about.

Um since you did a little exploring saw that there were Couple people talking about it, which was good because it meant it was a topic that might be relevant and there weren’t a lot of people talking about it. Right. And so that helped me to go into that and what I discovered through my own tax practice was, and even when we do taxes, we’re telling a story.

A tax return is a story. Is it fiction? Is it based on truth? Is it semi based on truth? Right? We want the IRS to think it’s true. And, and also people’s beliefs, because I could tell people, Hey, go out and do this thing. And then they’d go out and do the complete opposite. Right. I’m like what’s going on this was very practical logical thought out because they had a mindset or they had a story and so I can’t

do that even though the truth is in my face I can’t do that because my story is that’s not possible even in spite of.

Facts in the work that I started to do was and it changed to what’s your what’s the cost of your story? But it started out as what’s the cost benefit, right? I’m an accountant. What’s the cost? What’s it costing you to keep going down the path you’re going and what’s the benefit? I don’t have to fail. I don’t have to be put my, I don’t put myself out there again, the story piece.

What’s your story costing you when it comes to finance or, or whatever it is. Um, finance is the door for me. Yeah, there’s lots of different doors, but it is that psychology, that mindset. And I’m wondering, as you’ve been helping other people with their stories, what was your story? Right, what were the things, what were your limiting beliefs that you finally said, Oh, let’s new story,

[00:14:39] Paulo Sellitti: you know, it’s funny was is that there’s a saying in life, which is, is that you meet the people you need to meet at the exact time that you’re ready to meet them, you know, that, that idea that line that I came up with you, which was your story has a cost, right?

That had nothing to do. With your business that had to do with my realization at that point in time in my life, which is, is like the story that I was living and, and my reality was that cost was, was based on my mindset. Right. The other, one of my other favorite quotes from you is, is, is that numbers don’t lie.

People do. Right. Right. Yeah. The thing that I was looking for was, was purpose. So the, the pain and the suffering, the searching of that was, was finding purpose, but not just finding purpose, but understanding why, why I was looking for purpose. And ultimately, it’s a question of acceptance and from all things and source, it starts with love.

And so what you are looking for in this life and all things that you’re doing are things that are creation that bring you some source of joy and love in what you do and letting your work reflect that love, therefore. And the painful process is You have tools and hands and things that you do and that can help the world but you can’t figure out who you’re actually meant to help what you actually do that resonates that changes people’s lives

that sparks them that moves them on to unlock their own potential and I was looking that for myself and every time that I would come forward I go well, you know, maybe it’s this and so, you know, I did design for growth for a while.

I did design for disruption. I tried I pivoted, you know, at least five times over the course of the, like the last three years in different taglines and trying to find, you know, the final thing. And ultimately what I discovered was creation. No, the, the fact is, is, is when move people into a source of love and light, it lifted the heaviness That was in my own life and in their life, etc.

And it became a pole. So I was on the quest for ambition. And what I wanted to do was move to the journey of service. There are two paths in life, ambition and contribution. Both will get you power ambition pulls from a dark side contribution pulls from light and love so you can be that person that is that and that is ambitious that is working every day staying up reading books fighting with people whatever to get to your level of power and you can get there doing that and it’s a it’s not fun.

Yeah, it’s,

[00:17:29] Bob Wheeler: you know, it is, it isn’t fun. And I think, you know, you talk about this coming from a place of pain and there are a lot of people who are very comfortable, whether it’s they’ve numbed out, they do alcohol, they do drugs to not just like, oh, I just want to have some fun, but I don’t want to feel things.

I don’t want to feel my purpose. I don’t want to risk. Showing my purpose and for me when you talk about purpose in the pain and i think about you know why are we searching for purpose for me deep down i have a belief that deep down deep deep down a lot of people don’t want to look at this and i get that i used to think no everybody does but they don’t um but deep down i think we want to know we’re lovable i think we want to know that we matter and i think we want to know that we’ve that we’ve had impact.

And and and i think deep down humans crave connection we act like we don’t get away from me don’t touch and we push and we because we don’t want to feel that pain and if we’re not feeling pain we’re not going to move from our position because i’m comfortable even if i’m inebriated even if i’m not you know tapping into any of my emotions then i don’t have to feel it but the moment i start to be vulnerable the moment i start to.

You. Allow wow, that hurts. Wow. I care deeply. All those things then start to open me up in a way that for a lot of people, it’s almost intolerable. Yeah, and it’s scary. And I will say I’ve gone into this kicking and screaming. I do not. I did not go into this stuff joyously going. I can’t wait to experience more self reflection and feel all of my pain.

Exactly right now. What I wanted and You gotta go through the fire you can’t go around it

[00:19:15] Paulo Sellitti: when we look at what we do in terms of purpose we all have a gift and we all have trials like I said we have to go through the fire and the fire shapes us and then ultimately we have the realization of what is purpose right the closer that we get to play into creation into doing things that are not done before that put us into the state of flow.

That make us interesting as people and connection, those all reflect the original source, which was creation, right? You know, I, I did some really deep work and, uh, and I was able to extract a quote and, and basically it was just something that was helping me transform, which was, you know, right out of love to help people change rather than right out of hate to change what you do not love.

The thing about that was, is, is that… What I was doing and why I was not successful was because I was writing out of hate not true hate You know, it’s right, right, right, but it was coming from a dark place like I need to get out of my situation Reactive thinking I need to improve this. I want to do this.

I want that etc pursuits of ambition in that And the breakthrough for me was when it actually, when I actually discovered that the light was in the service. That light that I’m talking about was, it was like, you’re really interesting. I want to know more about you. That’s a great story. Do you know if I could bring that story out, what that would do to light up the world?

And that’s that vulnerability that you’re talking about. There is the group, Will Numb, that does not want to go through the trials and the pain that it takes to actually discover purpose. And And over life and time, right, right, but then there’s the other person that is, it’s just has so much potential, you know, and that was where I had to empathize with that tragedy of like, why is it that this person has so much potential and, and they were like me personally in that space of like trying so hard and wanting to get approval and how is it that you can look in the mirror?

When you really look in that mirror, you can, you can either like or dis dislike what you see. It’s like instant. Right? And when is it that you get to that point when you just smile and you don’t say anything? You don’t have to do affirmations. You just, it’s like, I really like who I’ve become. And so that was kind of the place that I wanted to be where I could wake up in the morning and actually like myself and what I was doing in that

and that was the hard part of the journey was had to go through so much hell to get to that spot and in order to transform and understand that.

You know, the story and the barriers and the mindsets and all these things that there was so much to change the language, the, the, the thinking, the negativity, the, you know, coming at things from love versus from reactive, et cetera. And it’s not like I’m Buddha or anything like that, you know, it’s just like, we’re all just have a batting average and we’re just trying to hit 300.

Right. Right. You know, and it’s just like, that’s a, you know, that’s a solid score. And so that was where, you know, this, this whole journey started to come forward of like, how can I make all these different improvements that will create. You know, over time, like, you know, lifting weights and that, a huge outcome.

And ultimately where that directed me towards was helping someone find purpose in their business and on a startup scale, creating categories that allowed businesses to create massive change through their products and services.

[00:22:58] Bob Wheeler: You know, so a piece of that that I want to address for people out there listening, because I was one of these people that had a lot of potential.

People saw my potential. People saw more in me than I could see in myself. Yeah. And there was a piece of me that could see it, but was terrified. And so, most of my life, before I did some work, Uh, most of my life was fear based, terror based, I’ll be honest, terror based, and that everything I did was the question, will this kill me?

I was literally sure that, you know, somebody said, hey Bob, I want you to do this workshop, you’re going to learn about yourself, and I literally said to them, this will kill me, I will die. And they said, I promise you

[00:23:38] Paulo Sellitti: won’t. That’s kind of defining, don’t you think? Like that language is a little harsh, stop limiting.

[00:23:43] Bob Wheeler: And I was, but in my mind, like it was, I was… I will literally this could kill me and they said i’m gonna go to the workshop and i’m gonna sit outside the door and i’m gonna be there at the breaks and and everything and they did and after the first night i said okay i don’t think i’m gonna die the reason i bring this up is i didn’t really know that uh oh everybody not might not like me everybody might not like my idea everybody might not root for me.

And so if I couldn’t do it perfectly, if everybody couldn’t love me, if everybody couldn’t see how amazing I was, well, I’m not freaking taking any kind of risk. Are you kidding? Yeah. That’s dangerous. And so for me, part of my message to people that are listening when I do workshops and when I talk is to say, Take the risk, do it with your voice shaking, do it and be unsteady.

Know that not everybody’s going to be in your corner, but find the people that can be in your corner. You know, when I started doing standup, I took a friend with me the first few times because at least if everybody else hated me, I had a person saying you’re lovable and I think you’re funny. And I’m like, okay, that’s enough.

I’m enough, right? Yeah, I’m enough. And I think for a lot of people, they have this ambition, they have this potential and they want to have impact. And they have a story that I’m not going to tell it as well as somebody else, I don’t deserve to tell it, and I’m just saying out there to everybody, your voice is unique, it is important to hear your voice, and it is important to hear your story because all of our stories is what lifts all of us up.

In my belief

[00:25:19] Paulo Sellitti: absolutely and you know the thing that you touched upon is just is a message that I just feel so compelled to help people with this is that we spend our lives modeling and it’s the freaking worst thing that we could do and the fact of the matter is is even when we create our vision boards what do we do we find our paragons of success and then we go I want to be just like them and how is that any different than.

Picking out a slice of pie in the product fit category of like, that’s really successful. I can see that there’s a market for that, so I’m going to do the same thing that they’re doing. Right. Right. Business is no different than life and personal development. Everything that works that elevates you as a person works in business tenfold.

And when you understand that, you understand that everything that you learn in personal development and all of your, all of your individual pursuits will translate into exponential returns in your business. There are two tracks that hold you back. One is this. Terror. What if I do what I do and I’m not accepted for it?

And you know what? I’m sorry, it happens. Before I even got on to the show, I did my whole… Purpose led presentation. I sent it out to 30 people. No one responded, not one. And I said, WTF, right? Like I just put my soul on the platter. I finally figured it out. And no one responded to this, right? You know, the, the roots of what I needed to do were all in that presentation, but I had not framed it from a lens of love.

I had framed it from a lens of pain, right? And when I changed it and I, and I worked with a couple of people to run them through my, Thank you. My methodology of like how is doing story, it started to attract a crowd and I was, I was like, why are these people over my shoulder? I’m showing this person how to, how to, you know, set up their business and, and tell their story.

And, and like, there’s people watching, like this hasn’t happened, right? And I realized like I had cared for that person. And when I was able to point to, to, to not direct it into like talking about what I was doing and why I had purpose and why this was in it and directed into like how I could help. And, and come from that point of service, it clicked in your definition.

It was about you, right? You said, what if I’m not accepted for who I am? I’m going to put myself out there, but who in their right mind will not accept someone that is helping you, right? That’s the thing that that that’s lost in the translation is, is that we create this mask. We look out and we see people that are the pinnacle of success.

I wish I could be a leader and speak like Obama. Yeah. You know, I, I, you know, I want to be the next Steve Jobs, you know, everyone, all the tech people, they’re always kind of like trying to emulate how do I be more like Steve Jobs, et cetera. There are great lessons to learn from these people, but they’re not you.

You have to forge your own path in terms of what you’re doing and, and et cetera. And we create our own pain because of comparison. And we are always looking for other models of success. Why can’t I be like this person? Or they’re successful, maybe I should do what they do. That’s when you look at like these thousands of info services that are popping up on YouTube, et cetera, like I’m making, you know, 50, 000 every month, you know, doing, selling, reselling goods on Amazon, right?

Come on and, and watch my infomercial and I’ll show you how to do it too. Right? Great. You do it. You lose money. It doesn’t work. You hate it. Or you kind of have some success and you, and you chase that money, but that didn’t solve what you were doing. All you were doing was emulating someone else’s success.

If you do become successful that way, guess what? You made the mask successful. That wasn’t you. Right? Now you hate yourself because you’ve created this persona, this, this, this being of that. You have to live up to what is this person look like that’s successful? Well, I gotta, I have to maintain appearances and I have to live in this expensive house and live above my means, et cetera.

And you know what? I’m miserable 10 years later because I’m absolutely broken. My life went to crap, right? You see that trap all the time, right? Or you get stuck in the, in the, in the, in the job of the career workforce person where it’s just like, You’re assigned a role and you have to, like, again, you have to make that widget and you’re, and you’re hired because you’re really good at that widget and you never grow beyond that because guess what?

Someone else defined you and your purpose. And now all you’re trying to do is hold on to your job. And you live in fear because the fact of the matter is, is there’s some younger buck coming right behind you who is fully capable of making that same widget that you do cheaper, faster, and with more passion behind it.

I’m screwed. What the hell do I do in my, in what the hell do I do now? You know, I’m going to be replaced. All right, I’m just going to take control and I’m just going to start knocking people down. Yeah. Right. And then that’s kind of what the company work environment becomes like of like. I’m always worried about losing my job because I am not giving any additional value in terms of, of what I’m doing beyond my capacity.

And there’s this underlying fear of, holy crap, I can be replaced,

[00:30:38] Bob Wheeler: which we all can, right? Ultimately, if we’re just modeling or maintaining, I want to come back to this conversation. We are going to take a moment because we’re going to test your nerve. Test your nerve is brought to you by the money nerve.

And for those out there listening, I dare you to challenge and confront your finances. Without fear you can sign up now and our free quiz test your nerve dot com and learn more about your money relationship right here we go what’s something you believed about money growing up that you now disagree with.

[00:31:06] Paulo Sellitti: I lack what it takes to be rich and successful i do not have rich parents.

[00:31:14] Bob Wheeler: Lots of people don’t have rich parents and they made it i love that if you had a magic wand what’s one thing you change about the entrepreneurial journey.

[00:31:22] Paulo Sellitti: It really does come down to the, to the purpose in that, but you know, the, the entrepreneurial journey is supposed to be fast, but I’m sorry, it’s just, I’m, I’m going to, I’m going to say purpose in terms of like, you can make a buck, but that’s not going to make you happy.

Create

[00:31:38] Bob Wheeler: or consume? Create. Save or spend? Save. What’s your top tip for networking that

[00:31:44] Paulo Sellitti: actually works? Asking them their story. I think the first thing I ever learned was, uh, with Dale Carnegie was express genuine interest in the other person. Yeah. Right. And, and now I start off, I go, that’s interesting. I’d like to hear more about that story.

And that’s all it is. Yeah.

[00:32:00] Bob Wheeler: Absolutely. Curiosity. What’s your number one role for staying true to your purpose as your business grows?

[00:32:06] Paulo Sellitti: Don’t lose your process. Every one of us as a creator has a particular process in terms how we actually create. And, ultimately, that’s God’s grace. When we can surrender to the gift that was given to us, and trust that in the universe, in the source, and in ourselves, we are going to be able to solve what needs to, whatever the problem is, through that gift that we’ve been given, helps us move forward, and it also humbles us in the same time that we are not doing this out of ego, we are doing this out of love, and we are reflecting God’s grace in what we do.

I

[00:32:46] Bob Wheeler: want to go back to a couple things that you talked about and continue on that conversation. We were just having and I as I was just thinking is what you were talking. I was thinking, you know, ultimately, I think are maybe maybe ultimately for me, but I think ultimately for all of us is to be able to look in the mirror and just smile, right?

It’s hard like that’s the life journey. And when we can do that, other people are attracted to that. Like people were attracted as you were sharing that story, you know, so many of us like in stand up. Yeah, you, you, you do these jokes and everybody knows you do the dad jokes or everybody knows you do the pet jokes.

Right? And then you had to maintain it. Yes. And if that’s the mask, right? And then that’s the mask. You’re like, I can’t go. And I, I remember this. You know, oh, Bob, you’re getting to a certain level. I can’t take any more risk. I’ve gotta maintain Mm-hmm. that I know this works. And if I go further, I might fail, and then everything that I’ve worked for will be taken from me.

Oh, ow. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And, and whether it’s in business, whether it’s, and so we’ve gotta stay in our lane because. And now I’ve got to maintain my lane instead of having the courage or the willingness or the vulnerability to say, I’m going to try pivoting. I’m going to try this over here and I think for a lot of us, and I put myself in this, oh my gosh, that almost seems too scary.

And I know when I do it, ultimately I feel better, but getting and moving towards that, it’s like, I think I’d rather just maintain, and I think for a lot of people we get paralyzed. I know just for myself when I was able to say, okay, I may fail. I’m going to fail brilliantly because at least I know I tried or I tried moving a little bit closer and then I might have learned something.

I just think this piece about so many of us are modeling and maintaining So that nobody knows the truth, and the thing is we know the truth, and we go to sleep knowing the truth. Um, and we can do all we can to pretend. The imposter syndrome, you know. We know it. Yeah. We know it, and the more that we can own it, the more we can name it, claim it, the more we’re free to actually take the risk.

People can say what they want, and if we can actually hold and ground with ourselves, the rest is just, oh, interesting information.

[00:34:59] Paulo Sellitti: I’m really glad you said that because, you know, last night I put myself into deep meditation and then, uh, and then I, I just bought this journal and I also went back to source and I actually, I want to show you this ink pen.

So I went back to the original quill. Oh, wow. Okay. And, and so you dip the ink in this and, and et cetera, but the thing was, is, is this actually came from my own personal journey. There’s, there’s a lot of symbolism behind what it is, but the, the, the physical tactile sense of touching the pen on the, on the paper and writing it without the ability to edit, channeled words, note perfect.

It was unreal. And so last night I was wrestling with that same question. The problem that I have and, and the people have is always comes down to the first part is this, that fear of like, and how do I get over my own baggage and fear of taking the journey? Right? And ultimately the true revelation, the answers didn’t come from looking and modeling after other answers that were already out there.

It came with the ability to ask the right questions. What is a question, like Socrates, that I would have to ask in order to actually create a fundamental change in someone? And that question that solves what you were talking about is, what do you want to create? And the reason why it works is because it goes to the source of the creator.

And the fact is, is that you run out of your material because you’re trying to maintain the mask and that sort of thing. Because you haven’t thought about what is the better future what is the service what is the improvement what is the change that you want to make and we got to that thing of what we want to create that puts you into the category into the space of everything that makes your business work and center because you just constantly thinking about new ways that can help people and that’s your that’s your call to contribution so you can get rid of the mask.

Because the mask in and and all these things a modeling is is like i have to maintain this perception that i’m successful or whatever to be loved. But the fact of the matter is you don’t have to do that what you have to do is just continuously be interested in people and figure out different ways that you can help them overcome and achieve break down their their barriers and limitations and then at the end of the day that makes us all better and it’s not about ambition anymore as understanding of like universally.

We are all here doing collective experiences in order to expand our consciousness and our awareness and and and our purpose and and advances and when we can actually help other people it is going to benefit everyone

[00:37:40] Bob Wheeler: the other story that I don’t tell a lot. Publicly although i’m sure few of my friends are like that’s an annoying story but i have a i had a good friend who built this amazing duplex over in historic part of hollywood and it was like he redesigned it like it had been built he restored it and it was amazing people would talk about this place that he had created and he would always say oh my god this and it was beautiful and one day he calls me he was a client and he called me and he said i’m selling my place and i’m like, What are you talking about like you love that place you created this and you and you and it’s this most amazing place he goes it’s become my identity.

Oh i need to leave it because i don’t want to become attached my ego wants to become very attached to how amazing this thing that i created is and i actually need to let it go and he sold that place. I moved into a one bedroom apartment and said i’m gonna go recreate because he knew for him. That if he just attached to his ego, it was going to be a downward spiral.

Eventually, and I thought that was so, like, it was such a lesson for me because there was a part of me, there is a part of me sometimes it’s like, well, let me just maintain, even though like the cost of that is my creativity and is my, you know, my source of all of that and, and being able to say. I’m more than just this material thing or this perception and then I am this that I get to keep reinventing

[00:39:14] Paulo Sellitti: myself, you know, the reality is, is, is that, you know, you cannot fear the phoenix, you know, it’s just like you were, you were meant to flourish and burn down and reinvent and recreate.

Everything that is a lesson in life is a mythology right right and and that’s where my passion started to come into is is just like when i could tap into the mythic and the mythology of like what actually constituted a great story and where where the what were the source values in the characters in human nature in life that actually created.

The hero’s journey or the tragic character or, or the comedy or whatever, though, that fundamental understanding came down to these particular archetypes and, you know, where you’re going with this is, is, is like. We don’t want to burn ourselves down right but the fact of the matter is this is that we we have to change right that is the biggest mindset in the biggest obstacle of our lives is our unwillingness to change we find a sweet spot we we we get comfort and then.

Things go wrong and the first thing we want to do is we want to blame the world right like well, you know, they don’t these new kids. They don’t they don’t know what good music is or right exactly right. I believe it was actually you that taught me this lesson and you were talking about it. In terms of, of these personal growth and development groups that you go into, there were the people that came in that fundamentally wanted to change and then there were the people that just wanted you to hear their story to let them know that what they were doing was okay.

Right. Right? Yeah. And I think that’s the trap that we fall into is in and the same thing with businesses that will in the in the beginning when I talked about the most limiting thing is your category you build that category and at some point in time you have to chuck it right because you’re going to create a new product and that category doesn’t fit what you do anymore right because you’ve created and so.

Part of evolution in both life and business is changing your story in order to fit the new category of creation you want to bring into the world.

[00:41:28] Bob Wheeler: So ultimately we’re all living the hero’s journey right i’m a huge joseph campbell fan that were the tragedy we’re all our own hero. Right. That’s like, for me, even if we’re tragic, even if we’re comedic, whatever, I ultimately, we’re all on our own hero’s

[00:41:43] Paulo Sellitti: journey.

The two journeys, the inward journey and the external journey.

[00:41:47] Bob Wheeler: Yeah. Yeah. And when you were talking about, you know, the Phoenix, right? That’s the ultimate going through the fire. That is the ultimate going through the fire and some pain and the rebirth. And I think to your point, so many of us get comfortable change.

Is not fun because we just got comfortable because we’ve all been working so hard to survive and I just got to take a breath and now you want me to change again and learning to be that that’s like that is life. We’re all ultimately trying to survive trying to thrive trying to find the comfort of getting to be the hero and getting the heroes welcome is never over and it’s never over right it’s never over and that’s the great news and the sad news.

That we have to keep questioning. We have to keep being curious. It’s so important to be curious about other people and to take it from it being about me to being about we are being about you to me, ultimately, whether it’s business, whether it’s in our personal lives to keep that. Questioning what’s going on, what’s going on for you?

Am I happy? Am I fulfilled? Is this working for me? Am I maintaining? Am I in my mask? What do I need to do? What am I willing to risk? How am I willing to show up even if everybody else doesn’t love me? All right, I’m going to try it. I might pivot. I might back. I might move over here. We don’t get to the finish line.

I don’t want to get to the finish line. There is no finish line, right? If the finish line is six feet under I want to take my time and you know very recently I’ve had several people around me that have transitioned have died you know what I realized and what I wrote the other day was it’s my story it’s your story we live we die and what we choose to do in between is mostly choice and then how do we get intentional.

And make the most of that time in between

[00:43:45] Paulo Sellitti: there are two things to unpack from, you know, what you just said in the quote that you just said was channeling. It was just beautiful. It’s like that idea of what we do in between, right? But one is fire. And the other is legacy. We have to realize that we spend all of our damn lives trying to prove ourselves and get worth and to get acceptance and to find love, et cetera.

And, you know, and then we get to that comfort space where, where it’s going. And, you know, that takes work and takes pain. I was in tears, you know, just a while back. And I just said, I just put myself out there and it didn’t work. Like, I feel like I was completely drained and that I just went down the wrong path, you know, and then the, the person that I was, I was working with, he said, how bad do you want it?

It’s just like, what are you willing to do to actually be the creator and, and, and to come out and to deliver your gifts? You’re being tested. And all those trials and testing are preparing you in order to deliver that gift. There is a bliss afterwards, and that is legacy. That’s where kids come in. That is where passing on your business, creating a methodology for what you do, and letting it be the legacy.

Like, I, I still believe that it was a, a Zig Ziglar, you know, and he had his kids and now the kids are, are doing the Zig Ziglar thing and they’re, they’re passing it on and the same thing with Silva Method, there’s Laura Silva and, and, and she’s continuing the, the Silva Method and all these kids and whatever.

Um, but they don’t just repeat what their father did. They create net new territory. You’re never done, but at some point in time, you don’t, you’re not doing the work anymore. You’re inspiring others to, to help lift. So the learning journey never stops, it just gets to be more interesting and the more successful you are, the greater things you can experience.

And when people talk about, like, you know, does money bring happiness and everything? No, it doesn’t, but it does open up a lot of fricking opportunity. Right, right. For sure. And so that’s, that’s why we want to be successful. And that’s why it’s not like, you know, sacrilegious to actually want to earn the buck.

Right. Because the fact is, is, is you can be more of yourself to other people. If you have more opportunity, more means more channels of being able to direct your energy and your creativity into things that can contribute to the, to the greater benefit of the universe.

[00:46:08] Bob Wheeler: I can’t tell you who said this, where I read it, but it talks to all of this in a way and, and I’ll give it context, but, uh, the guy said, uh, I’m happy when my company’s number two.

Not number one that makes no sense because number one they’re just trying to maintain number two is trying to be creative they’re looking for ways they’re hungry they’re open to what’s possible and number one is just like can’t lose my spot and i really think it sort of recaps what we’re talking about is is that.

Peace about being willing to like not just maintain not just keep the mask or not willing to like feel the uncomfortableness number two is what i gotta do.

[00:46:52] Paulo Sellitti: In the twenty two mutable laws of marketing i’ll reach jack trout there’s the law of the ladder and and love the ladder uses. Avis Avis was number two and then they had this groundbreaking ad that said, we’re number two, but we try harder,

[00:47:08] Bob Wheeler: right?

Right.

[00:47:09] Paulo Sellitti: Exactly. Right. And the ad world just went nuts. And Avis like. You know, sales skyrocketed and the fact of the matter was, is they acknowledge the fact that, sure, you may think we’re number two, but we’re going to target that attribute that you’re talking about of like, we’re very passionate about what we, what we do and that’s what makes us better.

Yeah. And as, and that’s the other thing is too, is, is. You got to get away from better, like better is like the worst word you can possibly ever create a business around. Our product is better. Our product is 10x better. No one freaking cares. You want to be tomorrow’s solution for today’s problem and you want to change the way that people look at that fundamental problem and how it’s addressed.

And you do that through the category, not through your product, not through your own abilities and how you’re better and talking about it. You do it by creating the vision, attaching it to the belief, the mindset shift. If you want to reach this vision, we have to do a fundamental shift in the way that we’re thinking.

This is the way that that belief works. Now that we, and we are shared in alignment and our values and our thinking, I believe that you have the way to move me forward, show me the way. And then that’s where tier three comes in, which is behavior. And so you say, now that you believe that you want financial.

Uh, security for your entire family. You want to create generational wealth. Wouldn’t it be great to be the one that changes everything for your family? Your baggage, everything that you’re making, all of your decisions are wrapped around emotions and those, that is the mindset shift that you need to, you need to overcome before you can actually create that vision.

Now. Let’s make a plan and move forward. I’m going to show you how to mind map. I’m going to, we’re going to set a goal. We’re going to build a financial plan around that and we’re going to get you to that vision of what you wanted to create over time, little by little. And that’s going to be our journey together.

That is my fundamental story model. And that’s what we did for the money nerve, right? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And, and ultimately that’s, that is how we create a category because the fact is, is now we are not selling the fact that, Hey, I’m Bob Wheeler and I can do a better job as a CPA and help you get out of your finances.

What we’re doing is, is we’re creating that vision of change and that category and we’re, and now we’re in the space of money emotions. You know, and, and we’re going to talk about money, emotions, and you’re going to build your whole life and company around this thing of like, how are, how is your, how are your emotions affecting your finances?

Because emotions affect everything, but you are, you are basically helping people with security and improving their lives and, and in terms of providing for their family. And at the end of the day, we all want to be providers.

[00:50:05] Bob Wheeler: Yeah, absolutely. And I appreciate you saying that. And yeah, for me, it’s about service.

I can just go off and do my own thing. Why not share the information? And I just want to say to the listeners out there, like, um, what’s your story? What’s the story you want to tell? What’s the story you’ve been holding back that the world needs to hear? Because that story is what’s going to bring you forward when you’re when you’re ready to share it.

[00:50:29] Paulo Sellitti: Yes i totally agree

[00:50:31] Bob Wheeler: so we are at the m& m moment of the show the sweet spot money motivation i’m wondering if you have a practical tip or a piece of wealth wisdom you could share with us something that’s worked for you.

[00:50:42] Paulo Sellitti: We don’t realize our knowledge is is valuable there’s different ways that you can kind of build your empire and it’s like you can buy other companies you can you can provide the best services and that but the other thing is you can do is you can monetize.

Your IP your intellectual property and so what we don’t realize is is that people get um and this is my tip because I really feel for the you know the end of stage worker the end of stage worker is is is the person that you know comes to the pinnacle of their career and then has nowhere to go and then they’re just kind of stuck we got to get back into that creation mode.

And so what, what we, what you don’t realize is, is that you got like 20 years or 40 years or however much of knowledge, and there is so much experience and genuine insight in, in, in what you’ve learned over time. I was on YouTube, I saw this, this couple who did that, and then they just wrote down like seven places that you could go to in France or things to do, and then they just sold it for like seven bucks for as like a little cheat sheet of where you go to France.

Yeah. And then they just did a little, you know, YouTube thing on it and passive income. They are just living off of this little like 7 flyer that they, that they made that is just helping people go to the best spots in France. And so that knowledge and that thing that you have has a channel and an outlet for monetization.

It is, has value. And when you realize that you have value and your knowledge has value, you can make it into some type of product that does not have to be a novel, a book, et cetera. That ultimately can generate income for you. In a way that resonates with what you create and what you love and defines you.

[00:52:20] Bob Wheeler: Yeah, absolutely. You know more than you know. Uh, Bala, listen, this has been a great conversation. You know, I, for me, the biggest takeaway, the biggest through line through all of this is curiosity. Uh, whether it’s self curiosity. For self growth self growth it curiosity about what’s going on with other people curiosity about how do I want to show up in the world of curiosity about how do I what’s my purpose right all of us can get a little more curious and and that’s one of the main things I talk about wow that’s so interesting that’s so interesting I love to keep doing the same pattern of self sabotage well isn’t this interesting that I really want this and I haven’t been able to make it happen or isn’t this really interesting.

But to me, this piece about continually, what is my story? What’s your story? Um, all of this curiosity. Um, you know, there used to be this, you know, curiosity killed the cat. Uh, satisfaction brought him back. Um, and I think it’s so important that we all get a little more curious about each other. Somebody that not somebody that looks like me, not somebody that has my same point of view, not somebody that knows everything about me.

I want to get. Curious about people that are not like me that don’t think like me that have different experiences than me and and so really through storytelling and being curious like that’s how we get to the next level, whether it’s business, whether it’s in our personal life, whether it’s in our own journey, so I appreciate that so much.

Where can people find out about you and hypnotic online social media? Yeah, so

[00:53:57] Paulo Sellitti: I’m on the web at hypnotic design dot com. Um, you could find me on LinkedIn, Paolo Selletti, uh, generally LinkedIn is kind of where I play and then more of my personal fun life is, is the Paolo Selletti on Instagram, but those are, those are basically my, my three places.

And then, you know, if, uh, I do do story design for, for businesses, uh, you know, I truly like to work with companies that have a vision for, for something that can improve, you know, the world in a particular way. I work with technology companies, especially because. Everything moving forward in terms of the fourth industrial revolution, our lives, we’re all digital now.

And there are so many good products out there that are helping us, that are changing our lives, that are advancing our ability to learn, you know, the AI space and that. They need a good story. And the problem is, is that they explain it in terms of their wares and their products, not in terms of the benefit that they can actually create and the vision of what the better future looks like.

And that’s where I want to help. I want to make sure that, that these, these gems, these people that have the ability to actually, you know, affect massive change in life and grow us. They come forward and they can become the leaders that they were meant to be and and create change

[00:55:18] Bob Wheeler: absolutely and you know, I appreciate you coming sharing your story and the story of how you got to where you are because that’s what we’re all out there doing is trying to figure out our story.

I think even if we don’t articulate it so I really appreciate you taking the time. And really giving some insight and satisfying my curiosity. So thanks again. Thank

[00:55:39] Paulo Sellitti: you.

[00:55:42] Bob Wheeler: That’s all we have time for today, folks. Thanks so much for tuning in and being part of the conversation. Before we go, I want to invite you to begin exploring your own money story.

My book, The Money Nerve, Navigating the Emotions of Money, is available now for just 1. What if 1 could change your financial future? Visit dollarbookdeal. com or click on the link in the show notes to get your copy today. This has been Money You Should Ask. Join me next week as we dive deeper into transforming our money stories and mindsets.

Until then, nurture your money nerve and think about what new money story you want to write.