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Episode 194

Video Episode

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Episode Description

Too often, we tend to think of physical abuse when we think of abusive relationships. But the truth is, financial abuse is just as dangerous and can be just as damaging. Financial abuse is a type of manipulation where one partner controls all the money in the relationship. They may give their partner an allowance, forbid them from working or make all the financial decisions. That can leave the victim feeling powerless and dependent on their abuser.

In this episode, Bob talks with divorce lawyer, empowerment trainer, author, and domestic violence advocate, Sonia Frontera. As a survivor of an abusive marriage, Sonia discusses some things people can do to prepare themselves to step away from toxic relationships.

One in every four women and one in seven men experience domestic abuse in their lifetimes. “Stop the Hurt” is a guide that teaches you how to spot the signs and take steps to end the abuse in a relationship in which a partner is hurting you or someone you know.

 

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Connect with Sonia Frontera

Sonia’s Book

Stop the Hurt.

The Truth about Domestic Violence Everyone Needs to Know

Sonia Frontera

This quick guide teaches you how to spot the signs and take steps to end the abuse in a relationship in which you or someone you know is being hurt by a partner.

 

Episode Transcription

Click to Read Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Bob Wheeler: Welcome to another episode of money you should ask where everyone has something they can teach you. I’m your host, Bob Wheeler. In this episode, we are going to explore why we do what we do when it comes to money as a CPA for the past 30 years. Wait, let me say 25, because that makes me sound younger. I have seen it all when it comes to money and emotions.

[00:00:21] If you think I’m talking about my clients, I’m not, I’m talking about myself. My relationship with money has been, and sometimes still is an emotional roller coaster. Maybe that’s something you’re also familiar. Good news. You and I are not the only ones. Our next guest is going to share their money, beliefs, money blocks, and life challenges as well.

[00:00:42] Buckle your seatbelt and enjoy the ride.

[00:01:05] Our next guest is Sonya Frontera. Sonya is a divorce lawyer, empowerment trainer and author. She is the survivor of a toxic marriage and is now happily remarried as a certified Canfield success principles trainer. She integrates the wisdom acquired through her personal journey. Her professional experience and the lessons of the world’s leading transformational teachers and translates it into guidance.

[00:01:27] That’s insightful and practical. Through the years, Sonya has supported domestic violence survivors as an advocate, speaker and empowerment trainer. She is also the best selling author of solve the divorce dilemma. Do you keep your husband or do you post him on Craigslist and relationship solutions, effective strategies to heal your heart and create the happiness you deserve?

[00:01:47] Sonya so excited to have you on the. I am

[00:01:50] so

[00:01:50] Sonia Frontera: excited to be here.

[00:01:52] Bob Wheeler: well, I gotta ask as a little girl, was your idea always to be a lawyer? None at all. what

[00:01:59] Sonia Frontera: happened. It’s funny. I didn’t even know what I wanted to be when I was a little girl. And then when I was in high school, I wanted to be a writer and my dad stand.

[00:02:08] I don’t pay for BS majors and I don’t need a bachelor’s so he made me just do something else. So I did finance, a dual and finance, and I did journalism. And then I feel tremendous regret that I didn’t get started writing for a long time. But in the meantime, as life normally happens, non sequentially, I was in job when I was 25 years old.

[00:02:31] And my dad said, that’s what happens when smart people have dumb degrees and dumb jobs so I decided then, and then that, you know what, maybe I should go law school. I didn’t do it despite my dad at the beginning, but then, you know, it made sense.

[00:02:46] Bob Wheeler: there you go. Yeah. That’s awesome. And any regrets with that?

[00:02:50] Sonia Frontera: Being a lawyer. No, I enjoy the practice of law have been practicing for 27 years. I am retiring this year. Ah, okay. But no regrets. I really enjoy it. It’s really interesting.

[00:03:00] Bob Wheeler: Well, I always wanted to be a lawyer. And so you didn’t. I was set for law school. I was taking all my law classes. I was actually just taking accounting to help my grade point average, cuz it was something I did well in, but law, law law.

[00:03:15] And as I met some of the attorneys and people, I thought, oh, I don’t know if this is my crowd. I hear you. And I stuck with numbers. I stuck with numbers, but I love law. And I have that mindset because I took lots of law and legal research and procedural law and all that stuff. Here we are. So let me ask you this, you work with women, I would assume mostly, but with everybody, but you came out of a toxic relationship and there are women out there that might be still in toxic relationships.

[00:03:49] And financially it’s sort of hard to leave. How do people one recognize red flags or often we dismiss red flags. And then how do we formulate a plan to go forward?

[00:04:03] Sonia Frontera: Well, it’s really good that you point this out because you’d be surprised by the statistics, but one in every four women and one in seven men find themselves at one point or another in their lifetimes, in a toxic relationship and an abusive relationship.

[00:04:17] And very often we don’t recognize the science because they can be very subtle. So, you know, when you see that your partner is beating you up, Being physical with you verbally abusive, you know, that you are in an abusive relationship, but there are other more subtle signs that go unnoticed and they are very often normalized in our society.

[00:04:40] And you might be surprised to hear. And I kind of was too, even though I had been in this realm of domestic violence advocacy, that financial abuse is the most common form of partner abuse and the hardest to detect.

[00:04:55] Bob Wheeler: Mm. So that might be I’m controlling the checkbook or I’m controlling what you’re spending, or if you misbehave, the allowance is gonna go away.

[00:05:05] Is that kind of what happens?

[00:05:08] Sonia Frontera: Yeah, you nailed it. That’s some of the most obvious ones. And very often we get bamboozled into this because we have very different expectations of what the relationship is gonna be like, for instance, you know, sometimes, and especially in the older generations, my mother’s generation, you’re not my wife doesn’t

[00:05:24] Bob Wheeler: work.

[00:05:25] Right. Yeah. It’s a really hard thing because if you’re having somebody that’s saying I’m gonna take care of everything, it can be a little SED. Money can be a way to not actually have a real conversation. We just throw money at it and then the problem goes away. Ah, here’s more money for a new car. Let’s not talk about that.

[00:05:43] Other thing, the white elephant in the room. So Sonya to keep it on the personal level for you growing up, I’m assuming you had, and I’m assuming that you had a relatively normal childhood mom and dad talked to each other siblings, no siblings. What was that like growing up for you? Cause I wanna tie it back to then how we end up where we end up

[00:06:04] Sonia Frontera: had a really uneventful childhood, so to speak.

[00:06:08] Mm-hmm you know, mom and dad, dad worked, mom stayed home. Had a brother. It was just your typical family of the sixties and seventies. Yeah. Nothing unusual to it. And you know, very sheltered. I grew up very sheltered. I went to, uh, Catholic school. Mm. And, you know, parents were very, very strict with us growing up, back in Puerto Rico.

[00:06:31] Yeah. So that’s the kind of childhood that I had. And in some ways it was good because it gave me values. But in other ways, I don’t think it prepared me for life for real.

[00:06:42] Bob Wheeler: Yeah. So the question that I have is because there are a lot of people, I think like you grow up in a relatively normal household and we don’t necessarily get taught how to have healthy boundaries or how to say no, that’s actually not okay with me cuz we don’t wanna make somebody feel bad.

[00:07:01] We don’t wanna have an awkward conversation moment. And so. We don’t learn these things that seem foundational. And I know some people that are very clear. Yep. That doesn’t work for me. No. I’m like, what does that resonate with you?

[00:07:17] Sonia Frontera: Yeah, it’s funny. Cuz I grew up with my mom saying to me I’m not a gold coin for everyone to like me.

[00:07:25] So we were kind like an eccentric family. We were different. and downright weird to others. so I never had that tremendous desire or need to be liked or accepted mm-hmm so in that regard, I am so glad that was part of my upbringing, because in that sense, it’s like, no, You don’t like me, you don’t have to.

[00:07:48] Right. So that was not one of the factors in my relationship. I think it was more about that mentality that you have to get married. You have to stay married. That was more harmful. And, and it was reinforced by the church because I grew up in an environment. Where divorce was frowned upon, right. It was not really socially acceptable at that point.

[00:08:12] So that really interfered with my ability to take the right course of action, you know, early on, more than anything. I think that was my greatest issue.

[00:08:23] Bob Wheeler: mm-hmm and now knowing what, you know, how do you help people to be able to look and say, oh, you know what? I made a bad choice. And let me go ahead and make a change before I get too much more invested.

[00:08:38] Sonia Frontera: I like to lead my readers through a journey of personal exploration. And when it comes to relationships, you start at the very beginning. To me, the fundamentals of this journey is developing the awareness to understand how did I get here in the context of your social conditioning and your social programming?

[00:09:00] Like, for example, for me, the fact that, you know, marriage was encouraged and staying married, how do you choose your partner? How do you relate to one another based on what you see around your parents, what your teachers tell you what the church tells. And now people have social media to top it off, you know, defining what relationships look like.

[00:09:20] So you need to develop the awareness to examine that objectively. What is it that led me to this point? What are the beliefs behind all this and running sometimes this background apps that, you know, steal you of your clarity and your personal judgment. So you need to start understanding not just how you got there.

[00:09:40] What are the dynamic. That are playing in my relationship. Where are they coming from? And do they serve me? Do they make sense? Because some of the things we learn may be appropriate for a child, but as you grow up, you develop a sense of what is right for me, what is not, what resonates, what does not. And from that standpoint of clarity, then you can start taking actions that are more conducive to a life that is happy and good for you.

[00:10:07] Bob Wheeler: Absolutely. So I’m going through my self exploration. I’m looking at all this and I have an aha moment. Mm mm. I might need to leave this relationship. I know there’s no cookie cutter answer because some people need to leave immediately and not have a plan. You just need to get out. It’s not safe, but other people may have the luxury of a little bit of time to have a strategy.

[00:10:33] Financially walking away from a relationship, especially if there’s financial abuse and financial manipulation. You may not have a safety net when you step out, what are some of the things that people can do to prepare themselves to step away from toxic relationships? The

[00:10:51] Sonia Frontera: first things you need to empower yourself and not just financially.

[00:10:55] And FYI, I used to be a financial empowerment trainer for the Allstate foundation for domestic abuse survivors. And recognizing that, that financial abuse that inability to get yourself back on your feet. Can deter some people from leaving a relationship where they are not safe. So that is really, really key.

[00:11:19] However, you also have people who do not have financial difficulties who are still stuck in an abusive relationship. And that was my case, cuz I had a good job. I had an education. Finances was not the issue for me. So for. The most important thing is to empower yourself in terms of financial, in any situation where you are being abused, get help, go to your local domestic violence organization or the national domestic violence hotline.

[00:11:52] And they have counselors. They can help you. They can connect you with programs that can help you get back on your feet or have access to resources that can get you through that difficult stage. So you can have an exit plan so you can develop a strategy and once you’re out, how you can. Actually remain strong.

[00:12:12] So you don’t go back to your abuser because statistics show that for many victims of abuse, they go back to their abuser many times, and it takes a buck seven attempts before on the average to get out of an abusive relationship. Wow.

[00:12:27] Bob Wheeler: It’s one of those habits that it’s hard to let go of. Mm. I mean, in a way, going to a toxic relationship and continuing it, it becomes habitual because it’s familiar perhaps.

[00:12:39] Sonia Frontera: And it is complicated in addition to being familiar. There is the, what is called a cycle of violence, where often in abusive relationships, you have the escalation of the abuse and then you have an incident and then you have that honeymoon period where the abuser acts very repentant. It will never happen again.

[00:13:00] Right. And they’re very nice. And you wanna believe that. Right. Your heart wants you to stay with that person that you love. Right? And you have faith in that person, or you are so afraid that if you were to leave, they were going to harm you, which also happens very often and leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous stage in that relationship.

[00:13:23] Yeah. So that’s why we need to develop that understanding so we can see what’s happening in our relationships or in the relationships of others who might be hurting. And we may wanna help.

[00:13:34] Bob Wheeler: Yeah, absolutely. Taking it back to the financial piece a little bit for you. You said you had a good job. Finances was not an issue.

[00:13:44] Was money, something that was just always easy for you and you never really had to struggle with that kind of thing, because a lot of people do, they struggle with money. They struggle with, am I worth this amount of money or I don’t know how to advocate and especially victims in toxic relationships or abusive relationships may have this issue around self-esteem.

[00:14:06] Were there any struggles for you and like, did it all just come super easy for you?

[00:14:11] Sonia Frontera: I grew up in a family where education was really important. Having a good job was really, really important. So financial security was something that was expected and it’s something that was attainable and something that I should be striving for.

[00:14:24] So I went to a good school. I got a very good job and I was making enough money to support myself. So I realized, however, Not everybody is in that boat. And especially like you mentioned, issues of self-esteem, you have someone who is eroding your confidence, right? Who’s taking shots at and chipping away at your self worth.

[00:14:47] And that is what keeps people in trouble. However, and you mentioned that those beliefs of what you feel you’re worth, that’s where awareness also comes in handy because you can start paying attention to what is my relationship with money. and how did I come to have this relationship with money? Where are these beliefs coming from?

[00:15:07] And I have to say, I have friends who are incredibly talented, very well educated, but their relationship with money is always very poor. They’re always, you know, struggling to make against meat or keeping jobs. And I can see those beliefs playing in the background. You know, some people believe that money is evil or that rich people have the money because they’re cheating someone.

[00:15:30] Right. And because the only dishonest people have money. So you really have to pay attention to those sets of beliefs where they’re coming from and are they real for God’s sake? It’s not true. Right? Pay attention to that and start creating your own narratives that serve you around money. I have all the talent in the world to live a life that’s supportive and that is enjoyable.

[00:15:55] And instead of I will never have enough money, you know, I can barely make ends meet another day. Another dollar, just let go. Of all those beliefs and false narratives that are ruining your life.

[00:16:08] Bob Wheeler: I love that you have this foundation. Do you talk with your kids about money? And is your husband on the same page with you around money?

[00:16:19] How transparent is your conversation around money with your spouse?

[00:16:23] Sonia Frontera: You know, it’s funny, I find the topic of money to be awkward, to discuss , but I didn’t have any biological children. When I married my second husband, his son was an adult, so I haven’t had to have that discussion, but I am very supportive of young kids.

[00:16:41] Like, I cannot walk by a lemonade stand or see kids selling jewelry, you know, that they made with beads. And I encourage that while you see some grandparents saying don’t do that, you know, a relative of mine telling her granddaughter who was making cakes and selling them in school. Oh, don’t do that.

[00:16:59] That’s embarrassing. No kids need to understand the value of money yeah. And making the money so that they know how much effort went into. Getting that pair of sneakers or that pair of jeans or whatever. And they can make decisions that are informed, okay, this is what something is worth to me. This is what it’s cost in terms of my time and effort.

[00:17:22] And then you can have that healthy relationship with money where you can determine, you know, what is a necessity, what is a luxury, what is a tree? And I think that is all very healthy.

[00:17:33] Bob Wheeler: Absolutely gotta buy the lemonade, gotta buy the lemonade. Always, always, always. Even if there’s specs you have direct

[00:17:42] Sonia Frontera: them.

[00:17:42] We’ll kill you. That will make you fat.

[00:17:45] Bob Wheeler: It’ll make you exactly. Do you have conversations with your husband regularly around money? Did you have a conversation before you got married? What’s that like? And do you each have your own little personal accounts that you don’t have to justify to anybody? How do you navigate that currently?

[00:18:04] Sonia Frontera: Currently we’re financially sound. My husband, when we met, he was 40 and he is very successful. We try to include each other in decisions that involve finances. And I think that is really key to any relationship because being able to consider one another in making big decision. In how you view finances, are you going to be a spender?

[00:18:33] Are you going to be so stingy that you accumulate all this money and you never enjoy it? So I think in that regard, we have a good balance. I tend to be more on the frugal side than he is. So we kind of balance each other out. I don’t think money is evil by any means and I am financially sad and I was financially selling before I married him, because I think everybody should start saving for retirement for old age.

[00:19:04] You know, I got long term care insurance. When I was in my early thirties, I started my 401k when I was 21 years old and I started accumulating money. And that has served me very well because I feel that I can comfortably retire and my husband and I, in that regard, we believe in being financially sound and also enjoying life, which is part of the balance.

[00:19:31] It always has to be part of the mix and I didn’t grow up that way. My dad was more into. Like the Fortera have big bank accounts instead of, you know, going out and having big homes and fancy cars. Yeah.

[00:19:45] Bob Wheeler: well, how do you say to somebody cuz you’ve worked with people around finances. You’ve got a legal background.

[00:19:52] You’ve got the credentials, the tools. It’s easy to say. We should all go out and be financially sound. We should all save. Sounds awesome. But I’ve got all my stories and you’re working with me, but I’ve got these great stories. Like I can’t save until next year. You know, I don’t have the tools you had to get me as financially sound as quickly.

[00:20:15] It just works out better for other people. How do you guide somebody through that?

[00:20:19] Sonia Frontera: One of the most important things I learned is that you pay yourself first and the best time to start saving for the future and preparing for the future is right now in this moment, if you didn’t, until you turn 40 while start right now, you can’t cry over spilled milk.

[00:20:36] You have to start preparing yourself financially. You have to understand where you stand. You have to understand what you have on the level of debt and have to understand how much money you can afford to spend after you pay yourself. Right. and do it in ways that are going to have a certain return. And you have to be factoring that in.

[00:20:57] And I think for many people, especially when they’re going into the divorce situation, they don’t understand their financial position. So you have a lot of women who are from, especially the older generations where the husband brought the paycheck and he took care of everything and you never had to. You know, pay the bills or anything like that.

[00:21:17] And, you know, they find themselves a widow or they find themselves divorced later in life and they have no idea how to hold themselves together. Yeah. And that is really not a good place to be. There are so many resources out there to become financially savvy. and if you don’t know, just learn, it’s never too late to learn.

[00:21:38] You have so much more to gain and it’s never too late to start anything new. How many people start careers later in life and are very successful. So no excuses. That’s bull .

[00:21:50] Bob Wheeler: I love that. Yeah. I love that. Get started. Get started. Yes. Right now. Let me ask you this, pay yourself first now. So a lot of people, well, if I pay myself first and that’s money, I get to use to go out and spend on things, right?

[00:22:03] No, I wanna just talk about this for a moment, because I think people get confused. I got confused. Pay myself first of well, I am, I’m paying for myself and I’m gonna go out and blow this money and I’m gonna go, can you just talk a little bit more about pay yourself first? Because I think this is so important for people.

[00:22:16] Some of this stuff seems logical and basic and a lot of people right over their head, mine included. So.

[00:22:23] Sonia Frontera: But let me start by attacking the established, like kids don’t alert, financial literacy in school. Right. If they spend all the time playing video games, learning financial literacy, when they’re kids, they would be rich when they get to 60 and be able to retire.

[00:22:38] But what pay yourself first means is that you take a chunk of whatever money you earn and you set it aside to put it to savings or to invest. Yeah. So that that money can grow and be there for you in the future when you may need it. Let’s face it, stuff happens, you know, you get sick. And so many people are in bankruptcy because they had a catastrophic illness that the insurance didn’t pay for.

[00:23:06] Right? Yeah, absolutely. Or they lose their job. I lost my jobs when I was a corporate animal. I went through like four layoffs. Wow. And they are all devastating. Yeah. And if you don’t have that cushion, you are in trouble. Where are you gonna go live in your car and leave your quarries reses? Come on, pay yourself first and just create that cushion they recommend you should have what?

[00:23:29] Six months. Yeah. Of salary accumulated in case of an emergency and start putting money

[00:23:35] aside.

[00:23:37] Bob Wheeler: Absolutely. And I think it’s so important for people listening. If you can’t get to six months, just get to a month first work on getting a month ahead, then work on two months. And take it in increments instead of no, I’ve either gotta get six months saved up by tomorrow or I’m calling it quit.

[00:23:54] You’ve gotta cultivate the habit of starting to pay yourself first and regardless of your age and regardless of your gender, but women, especially the statistics, don’t favor women as they age in terms of financial security. And so. There are a lot of resources out there, free resources, and there are people out there that can guide and help you.

[00:24:18] It’s not too late. You just have to be willing to say help. raise the hand, ask for support, or even just Googling something to get that information.

[00:24:28] Sonia Frontera: Absolutely. Another thing, because that is super obvious. But another thing that I highly recommend people do is look for role models. Yeah. I tend to put a lot of that on my private Facebook group.

[00:24:41] You know, people who started with nothing and they have accumulated money. People who are down and out, people who are homeless. My favorite is a little boy. And I think if this is a California, it’s out west and his mom didn’t have money to buy him the snacks that he wanted. So his mom gave him, I think all she had in her wallet was $20.

[00:25:04] She gave him the $20 to invest and the little boy went out and he bought some succulent succulent plants. Yep. And he started dividing them and he started selling the plants and he was able to get his mom, her first apartment. Wow with all the money, because you know, people like to help people who are helping themselves.

[00:25:24] Yeah. Everybody was really supporting this boy and they went from a shit to an apartment. And that to me is spectacular. If that eight year old can do it, no excuses.

[00:25:34] Bob Wheeler: No excuses, no excuses. I love that. I love that. Well, Sonya, we are at the fast five and the fast five is brought to you by green light. The debit card for kids managed by parents.

[00:25:48] For more information, check out the link in the show notes. So Sonya, we’re gonna jump and change ship a little bit or change direction, change lanes, whatever you wanna, we’re gonna get fast and furious. Ooh, no right or wrong answers, but let’s just jump in. What emotion do you experience the most?

[00:26:05] Sonia Frontera: Anger.

[00:26:08] that’s my default demotion.

[00:26:11] Bob Wheeler: all right. Do you recall an embarrassing moment? A money moment from childhood? Oh,

[00:26:15] Sonia Frontera: God defined childhood is going to college childhood. Sure,

[00:26:20] Bob Wheeler: absolutely. Yeah. When you were younger.

[00:26:23] Sonia Frontera: The most embarrassing moment was when I was going to college, I went to school in Syracuse and my mom came with me to take me to college and we were buying winter clothing, which I had none.

[00:26:38] I lived in a tropical place and was going to the Tundra. And when I went to pay and pull my wallet out and my mom just like ripped it off my hands and paid, I was humiliated. It was so mortifying

[00:26:54] Bob Wheeler: well, that was cool that she paid though.

[00:26:57] Sonia Frontera: It was my wallet. It was my money. I was mortified. Yeah.

[00:27:04] Bob Wheeler: Uh, that’s funny. It was not but what did you learn from it now if you look back, was there a silver lining?

[00:27:11] Sonia Frontera: No. well, well, well the money wise. No, but it’s like, okay. I need to be my own grown up. I just can’t be a child anymore.

[00:27:18] I need to be treated like I’ve grown up.

[00:27:20] Bob Wheeler: That’s awesome. That’s a good takeaway. Mm-hmm when is dead? Okay.

[00:27:25] Sonia Frontera: When you’re using it in a way that is going to serve you in the future, like buying a home. I bought my first home and within a year, the market went up and it had doubled in value.

[00:27:37] Bob Wheeler: Wow. Yeah. Debt can be good.

[00:27:39] Responsible debt, responsible debt. Exactly. What is your favorite vacation spot

[00:27:45] Sonia Frontera: course? The G France.

[00:27:48] Bob Wheeler: Mm. And you smile as you say that. So I’m assuming, have you been there at least a couple of times? twice. Nice. What advice would’ve helped you if you had known it sooner,

[00:28:00] Sonia Frontera: don’t take your money out of your 401k.

[00:28:04] When the market takes a turn.

[00:28:06] Bob Wheeler: That is excellent advice, especially right now with the markets being crazy. Don’t touch the money because then it’s really gone.

[00:28:15] Sonia Frontera: yeah. Or you switch it to an investment that doesn’t grow. Yeah. And I did that, was it black Monday or black Tuesday back in 19 87, 88. Yeah, I did that and I couldn’t regret it more.

[00:28:29] Bob Wheeler: Yeah,

[00:28:30] Sonia Frontera: absolutely. I would have so much more money.

[00:28:33] Bob Wheeler: Totally. Well, we are at our M and M sweet spot, our money and motivation. Do you have a practical tip or a piece of wealth wisdom you can share with our listeners, something that’s worked for? You.

[00:28:45] Sonia Frontera: Start early. And I I’ve already said this before, but I started when I was 21 and you need to get started immediately and leave that money aside.

[00:28:55] Don’t touch it. Don’t tinker with it. Don’t be watching, you know, the market thoughts. They go up and down every day and make those sound investments and prepare for the future.

[00:29:05] Bob Wheeler: Absolutely Sonya, you know, one of the things I’ve loved about this conversation, the one thing that I did not hear the entire time was that the toxic relationship or anything that didn’t go well, I didn’t hear any blame.

[00:29:19] I didn’t hear any, I am such a victim of circumstance. Like I really hear that place about no excuses get going and okay. This didn’t work out. Move forward, continue picking up. And the fact that you have continued to look at yourself, continued to learn and grow, get challenged by other people so that you can go out and pay that forward.

[00:29:44] It feels really important. And especially advocating for women who may not have had the tools and are now looking to get the tools and the supports so they can move forward. So I applaud what you do, but I really appreciate this place. Taking accountability for where you are in life, as opposed to my parents didn’t do this and my mom or my ex ha like I’m not hearing all these stories and it’s so easy for many of us to get caught in a story and let that be our truth or our narrative instead of actually just letting it go and moving into this place that you talk about of living abundant and seeing all the possibility.

[00:30:23] It’s a much more joyful life. In my perspective when we can actually see the good and the joy.

[00:30:29] Sonia Frontera: Absolutely. I remember it’s your story. You are the protagonist. It’s not your spouse. It’s not your parents. yeah.

[00:30:36] Bob Wheeler: I love that you are the protagonist in your own story. Absolutely. Well, Sonia, where can people find you online and social

[00:30:44] Sonia Frontera: media?

[00:30:45] The best way to connect with me is visiting my website, www Sonia fontera.com. And there you can find links to all my social media and more articles and information about toxic relationships and all my books, et cetera. So come visit and shoot me an email.

[00:31:02] Bob Wheeler: Sonia, tell me a little bit more about stop the hurt.

[00:31:05] Sonia Frontera: Well, I have been an advocate of domestic violence survivors for 28 years. And I decided to have my very own campaign to teach people, to discover the signs and how to get themselves out of an abusive relationship and how to help someone who might be struggling with one. And you don’t know what to do.

[00:31:23] So I created this booklet called stop. The. The truth about domestic violence. Everyone needs to know, and it just walks you through the process and it covers much of what we had discussed during the program today. So I would like to offer your listeners a giveaway the five first to reach out whether to you or to me@soniafortera.com.

[00:31:45] And I would be happy to send you a free electronic copy of the booklet. So you can educate yourself about the truth about domestic valance. It’s

[00:31:53] Bob Wheeler: so important. And again, I know you mentioned the statistics one out of four women, one out of seven men. That’s 25% of the women. It’s more prevalent than people realize mm-hmm and it often goes unnoticed.

[00:32:06] So people, this is important. Sonja, thanks so much for coming on today. I so appreciate your time and I appreciate what you do.

[00:32:13] Sonia Frontera: Thanks for having me, Bob. I really enjoy the conversation too.

[00:32:23] Bob Wheeler: We hope you enjoyed this episode. Did you learn something new about your relationship to money today? Maybe you have a friend who has some financial blocks or beliefs that are holding them back. Please share this podcast. So they too can get off the roller coaster ride of financial fears and journey towards financial freedom.

[00:32:40] To learn how to have a healthy relationship with money. Visit the money nerve.com. That’s nerve not nerd. We’ll be back next week with another perspective on money and the emotions that bind us.

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